This poem is from the collection titled My Old Job. As always, I wrote it somewhere between 1990-1992. Staff meetings were new to me then, and I thought there was something wrong in the way our meetings turned out. As I became more experienced I realized that all staff meetings everywhere go like this.
I have and always will hate meetings. Why must I sit there for an hour if I have nothing to add? If the meeting is about me what’s everyone else doing there? I’ve never been in a meeting where everyone has had urgent input.
I had to fly to NY, go to a production meeting, listen to them tell me blow smoke up my ass before they gave me the changes they wanted, then flew back.
The problem is my agent already told me what they wanted and I said I’d do it. Okay, let’s say they wanted to hear me say it. Couldn’t they have called me and handled the issue in 2-3 minutes?
It’s as if they have to prove to themselves and everyone around them that they’re doing important adult things.
It should actually say ‘tell me’. I had two thoughts and they collided into gibberish. As usual.
@ Bound and Gags – In your case, I’d be really pissed off. Having to fly to a meeting just so people can see my face when I’m speaking would drive me crazy. In my case, I wouldn’t mind meetings at all if something actually came of them. But in the last 20+ years I’ve never seen anything come of a meeting. Everything always stays the same.
Ain’t that the truth. I truly hate ‘must meet’ meetings. Trust me, I don’t get better in person. I also wouldn’t mind if, as you said, something happened! Anything! I did threaten to throw a guy out a window once so, at least in one meeting, something almost happened.
As you’d expect, I consider my reaction justified. They came to me after I told them what I would do (most things) and would not (few things). Then gave me a list of things that were on my not list. That didn’t bother me. People have to try. Then he wrote a number on a piece of paper and slid it to me. Even that didn’t bother me. It was his smarmy ‘yeah, we’ve had people say no before we give them this’ expression that got me.
I can be rented, I can’t be bought.
Same here. We have meetings for changes and nothing happens. Everything is ALWAYS the same. I was cleaning out our storage room and found forms for the 80s! I asked why they were still back there… “We were told to keep them.”
DURING A MEETING FIFTEEN YEARS AGO!
I think we can throw them out now.
I love this poem. This is how my job works too. In our meetings, everyone has pencils out to take notes, and everyone nods their heads in agreement. But then nothing happens. Great poem.
I love it too. I can’t believe how many dollars I’ve gotten paid to attend stupid daily meetings that accomplished absolutely nothing. You summed it up perfectly.
OH! Biz idea?! Pay me to attend your meetings for you?! what a concept… Hmmmm.
@ Bound and Gags – Well I could definitely be bought, I’ve been waiting my entire life to sell out. But nobody’s buying.
@ Lucky – You’re such a good employee, as opposed to me, who is a terrible one. If I found those old forms I’d immediately put them into ciculation and watch the fun begin.
@ Aberclay – Thank you so much! I can tell you have the soul of a poet, and for that I salute you and hope you will return to this blog again and again.
@ MBMQ – Thank you. And it’s a universal problem, isn’t it? Nobody ever says, “My company has awesome meetings and we’ve made great decisions that improved the quality of our jobs and increased our paychecks!”
@ Curious – No thanks. The company I’m with now doesn’t have meetings — no, not EVER. Which raises a whole new set of problems that I’ll spare you from.
Yeah, I was at that meeting too. I got paid about $20 to sit there and not say anything. I would have made the same amount if I had said something, but that would have been a bigger risk for me.
LOL on this poem Wendy!!
We don’t have meeting! Occasionally there is the one-on-one with the owner, but that is it.
I once went to a convention of some-sorts. I asked the owner to let me go, it would be educational. (Meaning I would get out of a days work)
It was the longest 8 hours of my life. People congregating to share what they know is such a bore. I imagine that is what meetings are like.
love this post …! hope you gize had a great Valentime’s Day
I think all meetings should go just like that. You could just assign different people at each meeting to say the lines and then out to lunch! Quick and simple
Loved this post!
Got the magazines. Thanks so much for those!
Loved the poem. It reminded me of when I got my first real office job. I used to think that endless meetings where everything that gets discussed ends up being sucked into a huge black hole was just something that existed in the mind of Scott Adams (of Dilbert fame, of course).
I thought Scott’s stories were so ludicrous, they couldn’t possibly be true. Suddenly, I found myself one of the many frustrated characters within a Dilbert comic.
Then one day, my father came to meet me for lunch. I was late meeting him because I was stuck in a meeting. I came out and apologized for being late, letting him know we had a meeting that ran over (as usual). His response was, “Well, it wouldn’t be an office if you didn’t have meetings.”
Everything somehow seemed better after that.
@ David - Everyone’s been at this meeting, but you were lucky enough to be paid for it!
@ betme – That’s exactly what we have now, no meetings, an occasional one-on-one. It’s a total cluster fuck. But those all-day seminars are murder. We don’t do those either, but when I did I used to ask myself why I ever volunteered to go.
@ Frank – Thank you! It was a good day, busy working though. I hope you had a good one.
@ Trailer Park Barbie - Welcome! You have got a great idea there, everyone saying their lines and then leaving the meeting immediately. Everybody would have a walk-on part. It would save so much time! P.S. – I love your name and your photo!
@ Stu – I can’t imagine what it must be like to have a supportive parent who understands the workings of your job. You’re really lucky. My parents would have questioned why I had a job, especially one that required you to be there in the middle of the day.
Holy Crap, you just described like 60% of my work day!!! I laughed hard (and then I cried ’cause I still have this job 5 days a week…it’s times like this that I wonder about becoming a night-time whore (I know that’s weird and random comment, but Pretty Woman is playin’ in the background, so I’m just sayin’…))
@ Romi – Yes, so you know the horror well. The excruciating nothingness of meetings. And I don’t think being a night whore is really that weird, because I would be willing to bet that pimps can run better meetings than most supervisors and you just know that when a pimp tells his staff to make changes, changes are actually made.
Holy crap….changes WOULD be made in a pimp-run meeting…LMAO..it’s funny ’cause it’s true!!
I thought of you when I read this blog post:
http://lifetussle.wordpress.com/2008/02/14/childish-moment/
I’m going over now to read your other blog…
I just had a thought. I’m going to recommend that we create a new position out here at work: Pimp Daddy. He’ll be in charge of whoring out all meeting details. I’ll bet it doubles productivity.
You guys are geniuses!
March is about over and all I hv read is Feb fluber and really interesting minds I am new would like to join in all the talent.
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